That’s the advice a good friend gave me over 10 years ago, when we reconnected after about 25 years and started recounting the events that had happened in our lives during the intervening years. I’ve often thought about his words, and realized that they’re a fairly good mantra for living one’s life.
Being honest is important to me — to be honest myself, and for those around me to be honest in their dealings with me. For me, lying just takes too much effort to keep the stories straight. Which person did you tell what story to? After awhile it’s just too confusing, and almost impossible to pull off consistently enough to not get caught in the lie. Besides, you’re spending so much mental energy on the web of lies that you have little left over to accomplish anything positive. It’s just unnecessary “static” that gets in the way of living life. And that’s just the practical side of it — never mind that it degrades the person doing the lying, making them be less than they could be.
Not self-censoring is another positive attribute. I don’t mean that someone should spill every thought, good or bad, that flits across their mind — that’s not necessarily a good thing. The type of self-censoring I want to avoid is the holding in of true feelings that would be better off expressed. A person that always holds in their anger and doesn’t find a non-destructive way to vent it might well develop ulcers or migraines. Someone who is depressed may not eat properly (either eating too much or too little).
I want to live as my authentic self, and to share the story of my life — all aspects of it — with those few people I trust with that knowledge. Some people I can share certain aspects of my life with, but not others. I consider some of those people to be acquaintances or social friends. There are only a handful who know the real me, and those are my true friends — the people that I know will love and accept me, no matter what. Those are the people in my life that I truly cherish and appreciate in return.
Tags: relationships
