I’d like to introduce you to Lisa, a spunky woman with a husband and two little girls who I got to know through her blog, originally called the “Rock Bitch” and now “Clusterfook“. She’s a die-hard Rolling Stones fan, and back then I think she was a radio DJ. She had the sassy, funny, take-no-prisoners kind of “realness” and edge that I just love.
It’s funny how you can feel a sense of loss (or impending loss, in this case) for someone you’ve never met — someone you’ve only communicated with a handful of times, in fact. But hers is one of the first blogs I ever read, and it chronicled her three battles with ovarian cancer. I started reading after her first battle, probably some time in 2005.
Lisa was fighting mad at the disease that had disrupted her life. Her fiery spirit raged and raved through her words, and she showed herself to be a true warrior. She was “full of piss and vinegar”, as they used to say. And I loved her for that.
She thought she had beaten the cancer, but a year later she learned it was back. She knew it long before her doctors did. In fact, a radiologist failed to see a mass in her abdomen, and it took nine months for her to convince doctors that something was indeed wrong with her.
I was shocked when I heard that, and it made me fear for the state of our medical care. How many other people aren’t properly diagnosed in time? How many others aren’t as vocal and insistent that they KNOW something is wrong with them, and just take their doctor’s word that everything is OK? It scares me a great deal, and teaches me a lesson — if I ever get seriously ill, I’ll have to be my own advocate, because I can’t trust anyone in the healthcare profession to truly look out for my well-being.
Oh, and during all this time of trying to figure out if her cancer had returned, Lisa was also going to graduate school!
By the time the doctors finally decided to do something, the cancer was really bad, and the surgery was awful. So awful that they messed up her bowels during the surgery, and she had to have another surgery to fix that. She was in a coma (medically induced, if I remember correctly) for several weeks, and in the hospital for three months.
But she made it. And a week after coming home from the hospital, she graduated with a masters degree. And she was valedictorian of her class! Now, who among us would have had enough grit to do that, after such a gruelling surgery? Not me, I’m sure!
Another year went by, and Lisa got that old familiar (by now) feeling that something just wasn’t right with her body. Yes, it was (as she put it) a “three-peat”. She had cancer again, but this time it was in her abdomen, liver and lungs. She shared the news in her blog on April 1, 2008, and really wished it was an April Fools joke — but it wasn’t. And in her post on that day, she apologized to her readers for having to tell them she had cancer! Amazing! Who does that?
(Lisa, if you happen to read this — my apologies if I messed up relating the sequence of events.)
Lisa went through three or four rounds of chemotherapy, which didn’t really help. She kept on fighting and making her way through life, one day at a time. And I saw a change in her tone this year. Her posts have been much more introspective, and they were less angry. Oh, she was still plenty pissed at the doctors, and she still fought the system to force them to give her what she deserved (she prevailed in that fight!). But there has been more gratitude, more love, more centeredness in her attitude. I could feel it through her words.
Lisa’s blog friends did a wonderful thing for her and her family. She had mentioned at one point that she would love to take her family to Disney World, and one of her blog friends, Miss Ann, started a raffle to raise money for that purpose. In 24 hours, people from all across the blogosphere had raised more than $1,000. During the month that the raffle ran, there were dozens of prizes donated and well over $4,000 was donated. I can’t remember the exact figure, but I’m pretty sure that’s close. Considering that the goal was $2,000, that’s an impressive total! Lisa, her husband, and her two daughters went, and they had a marvelous time. This event really boosted my faith in the goodness of people, despite what we see on the news.
The other day Lisa posted that she has stopped fighting. The chemo wasn’t working, and was making her really sick and miserable. She enlisted hospice care, and has “come home to die” and spend her remaining time with her family, to love them as much as she can, and feel their love in return, in whatever time is left to her.
It might seem surprising that someone who has fought and fought, ranted and raged these last several years would come to the point of laying down her sword and surrendering. I don’t think it’s really surrendering, as much as it is accepting the reality of the situation. I’m so proud of her for fighting the good fight, until every option is exhausted and it makes no sense to fight any more. She can truly say she has done all that she could, and none of us could do any better than she has.
She’s not at “the end” yet, but her decision to stop fighting doesn’t surprise me in the least. She knows what’s important — her family. The chemo was taking such a toll on her that it got in the way, so she made a decision based on her priorities. And that makes perfect sense to me.
Even though I’ve never met Lisa in person, I know enough about her to say that I love her, and I’ll never forget her. She has inspired me, and all who have read her words these past years. Her example will go with me as I face my own inevitable battles with health issues in years to come (as well as other areas), reminding me to keep fighting and look out for myself instead of blindly trusting the professionals.
Although we may be in the process of losing her in this life and will miss her spark, she will always be remembered — and in that way, she will always be with us.
All I can say is: Well done, Lisa — well done…..
Tags: relationships
